


Bedlam and the Invisible Assassin

by Inquartata (mackillian)



Series: Tessera [11]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Humor, mention of vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 05:16:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18804469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mackillian/pseuds/Inquartata
Summary: Thaia’s doing the best she can at parenting. She really is.





	Bedlam and the Invisible Assassin

“Zahra has a fever,” said Thaia said over the vidcom channel displayed above Lexi’s omni. “Which I’m marginally concerned about since I’m not a doctor and our resident doctor is out doctoring a responsible Pathfinder who doesn’t _need_ a doctor because she isn’t reckless.” To emphasize her point, Thaia looked over Lexi’s shoulder and directly at Cora, who’d been the human Pathfinder for a number of years.

“Better safe than sorry,” said Cora, standing at the research table with Ryder, Suvi, and Jaal.

“That’s exactly what she was talking about,” said Ryder.

From the comm, Lexi heard the faint voices of two of her children just out of sight of Thaia’s omni, both of them demanding to know who Thaia was talking to as Thaia told them to brush their teeth like they were supposed to be doing and don’t be so loud because they’ll wake up their younger sisters and if they did they’d have to have the same bedtime as them tomorrow.

Being ten-year-olds, both Zahra and Anahera usually took their later bedtime over their younger sisters quite seriously. This time, however, their curiosity had been piqued and the twins were slowly shuffling toward the bathroom instead of sprinting there on thundering feet.

“How is she otherwise?” Lexi asked before their conversation became overrun.

“Chatty, as you probably heard. She literally hasn’t stopped talking for twenty minutes except that one time when she let Anahera get a word in edgewise, but I’m pretty sure that was an accident. _Apparently_ , Swims-in-Frozen-Seas and Teddy are having a disagreement—wait, no. I’ve just been informed that I’m wrong.” Thaia glanced behind her.

Lexi heard Zahra’s voice in the background, closer than before, issuing corrections.

“I’m sorry, they’re in a feud, which I’m told is far more serious,” said Thaia, followed by a pause as Zahra said something else and then Thaia returned to the comm. “Oh shit, maybe it _is_ serious because Teddy’s lost an eye.” Thaia directed her next question to Zahra. “When did he lose an eye?” Another pause. “No, I’m not going to teach him how to fight back like a commando! He doesn’t even have biotics and will never have them. Why not? Because he’s a plush toy. Are you delirious?” Thaia returned to Lexi. “She might be delirious. Also, Swims-in-Frozen-Seas might be an inept teddy bear assassin.”

“Have you got a real hanar living in your apartment or is she talking about Bubbles?” Gil asked after he wandered in mid-conversation.

As it happened, Swims-in-Frozen-Seas was the plush hanar that Suvi had given Carian months ago. Bubbles was the toy’s face name and Swims-in-Frozen-Seas was its soul name, given because it had been crafted by an amused angaran toymaker on Voeld. Swims-in-Frozen-Seas’s apparent rival, Teddy, had been a gift to Zahra from Ryder.

“If we have a real hanar living with us it’s exceptionally good at hiding,” said Lexi.

“Zahra’s now requested that you perform eye-saving surgery on Teddy when you get home,” said Thaia.

When Zahra added something unintelligible, Thaia looked over her shoulder to answer. “You really don’t want me trying to sew his eye back on. Somehow, he’d lose half his stuffing then there’d be tragedy and stuffing everywhere. I suppose I could use a hot patch gun again.”

Anahera said something Lexi couldn’t decipher, but Thaia’s follow-up question to their daughter was a good enough interpretation. “Will it burn out his eye socket? Of course no—actually, it might. Good call. Best if we wait for your dad. Then stuffing stays where it belongs and eye sockets remain free of soot and melted fibers and no one’s crying.”

“Was that not you last time?” asked Jaal.

As he’d spoken, the figures of two young asari ran up from behind Thaia and joined her on each side. “You _are_ talking to Dad!” said Zahra.

“Who else do did you think I was talking to?” asked Thaia.

“Granddad,” said Anahera. “She always calls if she’s visiting a colony while Dad’s away and it’s just us.”

“Fair point, but no. We’re talking to your dad and apparently most of the Tempest’s crew.”

“It _was_ you who cried over the last plush toy incident, wasn’t it?” asked Ryder.

Thaia sighed. “The crying was me and the shark’s been a little flat ever since.”

“Her name is Pancake,” said Anahera. “Tell them.”

“Her name is Pancake,” Thaia dutifully repeated.

Previous to that incident, the shark’s name had not been Pancake.

“As long as Zahra stays her usual self and her fever stays below the temperature on the datapad I left you, there’s no need for worry,” said Lexi. From what she could see, Zahra appeared fine except for a violet flush on her cheeks, but that was to be expected with a fever.

“I’m not worried,” said Thaia, more than a little defensively.

“Yes, you are,” said Cora. “Any of your four get sick or hurt, you fuss more than Lexi.”

Thaia feigned a glare. “Cora says while safely light years from away from me and retribution.”

“Strategy,” said Cora.

“Where are Carian and Aella?” asked Lexi.

“Sleeping, unless our invisible hanar guest woke them up, in which case Aella’s suspiciously quiet because ever since she learned how to talk she’s been trying to out-talk Zahra.”

“I don’t talk that much,” said Zahra.

“Yes, you do,” said Anahera and Thaia.

“I thought Lexi mothered Aella,” said Suvi.

“Just what are you trying to say?” asked Thaia.

“It was only an observation,” said Suvi. “Then I remembered that one of the two you mothered is quiet.”

“That’s why Anahera is Lexi’s favorite,” said Thaia.

“I love them all equally,” said Lexi.

“I think I have a fever, too,” said Anahera, who did tend to be quiet when compared to her sisters.

“No,” Thaia said to Anahera. “You don’t have a fever because you’re not allowed to have a fever at the same time as your sister when your dad isn’t here.”

“Thaia, that isn’t how it works,” said Lexi.

Which earned her a scowl. “It will if you back me up.”

She held in a sigh. “After you check Anahera’s temperature, you should check Aella and Carian’s as well.”

“And you’ll be home in an hour?”

“Unfortunately not. But I have full confidence in you.”

Ryder jumped in. “What about the time—”

“Full confidence.”

They exchanged farewells that included Anahera wrestling Zahra to the floor so she could be heard, followed by both of them tackling Thaia and Thaia commenting that Anahera did feel warm. Then a wave from Thaia and the connection cut.

“Betting’s open,” said Gil. “Over-under for how long it’ll take before Thaia panics and calls Lexi again. I say an hour on the outside.”

Lexi sighed.

“We’ll be back on the Nexus in four hours,” said Cora.

“Lexi, you _lied_ to your bondmate?” asked a horrified Jaal.

“I did not. She asked if I’d be home in an hour and I will not be.”

“Wouldn’t be fun to ruin the surprise anyway,” said Ryder.

In the end, Thaia lasted an hour and fifty minutes before she called Lexi again, though their second call went without an audience on either side.

“We shouldn’t have taught them how to share,” said Thaia.

“Why not?” Lexi asked as she put down her datapad.

“Because now they’ve all got fevers.”

“How high are they?”

Thaia glanced to the side before saying, “Higher than I’d like.”

“Too high for you is one hundredth of one thousandth of a degree higher than normal.”

“Higher than that.”

Lexi raised an eyebrow. “Higher than the one I left you?”

“No, but that was for if it was _one_ of them”—Thaia gestured vaguely toward the darkened hallway behind her—“not _all_ of them.”

“You’re fretting.”

Thaia swiftly crossed her arms and failed an attempt at scowling. “You don’t have to call me out like that.”

“To be honest, I’m surprised you lasted as long as you did without messaging.”

“That’s because I called my dad. She made fun of me and here we are.” Her brow furrowed. “Do you think I should call Harry?”

“As long as they’re acting like themselves, aren’t lethargic—tired is okay since they would normally be asleep soon anyway—their breathing isn’t shallow or quick, and their fevers don’t rise more than a further two degrees, you’ve nothing to get worked up about.”

“Easy for you to say since you’re a _medical_ _doctor_. PhDs in astrophysics aren’t exactly useful when someone’s sick. Plus, the basic first aid taught during commando training is for combat injuries, so that’s useless until there’s some combat around here. And the wrestling match between all four of them this morning doesn’t count. Blood wasn’t even drawn.”

Lexi focused on the fact that there had been no injuries and set aside the fact that her daughters had been in a wrestling match that could have resulted in injuries. “Just because you’re not a medical doctor doesn’t mean you’re useless when the children are sick or hurt. The one exception being a few months ago when Zahra projectile vomited and you did straight after.”

Thaia paled. “I’d be of more use if we actually did have an invisible hanar assassin hiding here. Maybe I should go find one.”

“You’re their parent. All they need from you is to know you love and care for them. As long as no one vomits, you’ll be fine.”

Thaia looked unconvinced, but she signed off and returned to the trenches nonetheless.

***

Hours later, when Lexi let herself into the apartment, it was quiet. One of Teddy’s eyes rested on the dining table, a sight that was disconcerting until she remembered Teddy’s fate. Either they’d found the stuffed animal’s missing eye or someone had gone for broke and taken the other.

Both were equal possibilities.

Further exploration brought her to the bedroom she shared with Thaia, where she found the entirety of her immediate family asleep on the bed. Swims-In-Frozen-Seas clutched in her hand, Zahra was draped face-up over Thaia’s legs; Anahera was cuddled against Thaia’s back, Pancake resting on her face; Carian was snuggled against Thaia’s front, her feet shoved under Zahra’s torso; and an upside-down Aella had flung her arms and legs outward, somehow despite being the smallest taking up more room than any of them, complete with one of her feet precariously close to Thaia’s face. Goddess, the five of them. In these peaceful moments, Lexi remembered what made the usual bedlam worth enduring.

Past or near-future bedlam because Snow had made himself comfortable on the corner nearest Aella’s head, close to the foot of the bed. When Thaia awakened, she would likely shriek at his presence and bedlam would return in force.

Snow’s head perked up and Lexi quickly motioned for him to stay quiet and stay put. In a show of how remarkably intelligent pallads seemed to be, he settled back down to sleep, one of his legs tucked under his head.

Then, though everyone’s breathing sounded clear and normal, Lexi still scanned each of them to verify they had only a minor illness.

After the beam from the scanner passed over her, Thaia opened her eyes and smiled when she saw Lexi there. Then she shot an alarmed look at Aella’s threatening foot before gently repositioning it a safe distance from her nose.

“You have a fever, too,” Lexi said quietly. Her temperature was high, but not alarmingly so. However, that it had left Thaia tired enough that she still hadn’t noticed Snow’s presence was of concern.

“I know,” Thaia said. “We all decided our sick asses should sleep here. Or we all just fell asleep. I’m not sure.” She raised her head a little to evaluate the situation, thankfully still not seeing Snow. Then she smiled at Lexi again and the shine in her eyes wasn’t entirely the fever. “I’m glad you’re back,” she continued, tilting her head to the side. “You going to sleep with us? According to you, since you have your spleen and you aren’t a kid, you won’t get sick.”

She did want to join her family, but it would take some maneuvering. “If I can finagle the space.”

Zahra rolled, a flailing foot nearly catching Thaia in the chin. She caught the wayward foot and set it next to the the other, which was under Carian’s extended left arm. Then she said to Lexi, “Come to bed so that one of these little pyjaks can almost kick _you_ in the face.”

Lexi glanced up from removing her shoes. “That isn’t exactly an enticement, you realize?”

“I think you can fit somewhere on Anahera’s other side and not fall off the bed. If anyone’s falling it’s going to be Aella, but Snow’s got at least two legs behind her to hold her up and I don’t have the energy to be scared so she’s not falling off either.”

If Thaia was this dismissive of Snow’s presence, it could be lethargy instead of merely tired, and therefore her illness could be serious. Lexi frowned and scanned Thaia again, relaxing when her vitals reaffirmed that it was a minor illness. Still, if Thaia’s fever increased during the night, she would need to see Harry in the morning.

“Hey, you checked me twice,” Thaia said, exhaustion quieting her voice further. “Am I dying?”

Honestly, how anyone could validly claim _she_ fussed more than Thaia, Lexi would never know. “Not that I can tell.”

Thaia dropped her head onto the bed. “That’s good. I’d be sad if I wasn’t around.”

After Lexi carefully moved Pancake so it no longer covered Anahera’s nose, she climbed in beside her. One arm went behind Anahera’s head, and the other she extended over Anahera to rest a hand on Thaia’s hip. “We would _all_ be sad if you weren’t around.”

“That wasn’t what you said last week after I woke you up about the water thing.”

“Thaia, I love you. Don’t ruin the moment.”

“I would never,” Thaia said before pausing for effect. “Because I am _feverishly_ in love with you.”

Lexi sighed.

“Mum, that was _gross_ ,” Zahra said without opening her eyes.

“Which?” asked Thaia. “The joke or me expressing my affection for your dad?”

Anahera didn’t move a muscle, but that didn’t stop her from participating. “The joke.”

“Both,” said Zahra.

It was Thaia’s turn to sigh.

“Don’t worry, Daddy,” Carian said drowsily, “Aella thinks you’re funny.”

Lexi stifled a laugh. The only jokes worse than Thaia’s were their youngest daughter’s.

“Just so you know, Aella’s my favorite now,” said Thaia.

“That isn’t what you said when she headbutted you this morning,” said Anahera.

“It was an _accident_ ,” said Aella. “I was trying to headbutt Zahra and I missed her giant head.”

“None of you should be headbutting anyone,” said Lexi.

“We had helmets on,” Zahra muttered, drifting off again.

Lexi didn’t dare ask why. There were no permanent injuries among people or toys and that was the important part. What everyone needed now was rest. “Go back to sleep, all of you,” she said, couched in the tone she used with patients who didn’t like following doctor’s orders.

Moments after their mumbled replies, they’d returned to slumber.

After scanning each of them again to make sure their fevers hadn’t risen, Lexi followed them into sleep. She needed to be well rested for the bedlam the morning would bring.


End file.
